Parenting with a Purpose

Pastor James did a sermon today titled "Parenting on Purpose."  The message was to convey the WHY of parenting.  I've never thought of it that way.  WHY do we do what we do as parents?  The focus seems to have always been on WHAT we do as parents, not WHY we do what we do.  Just as with anything in life, if you put the focus on the WHY, the what shall follow.  I was really impacted by this message today.  I felt very convicted, enlightened and in a way, empowered.  As a teenager and young adult, James played a significant role in my life.  I have always looked to James as an example of parenting.  This message has set me in motion to really seek God in my parenting and I know there are many things I need to change in my approach... putting the focus on the WHY.

I want to document the outline, my notes and my thoughts from this message as a reminder for me when I get off track and one day it may help the boys as they become parents.

Parenting on Purpose!

1. To SHOW them God.

Eph. 6:1-4

1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord [as His representatives], for this is just and right.  2. "Honor [esteem and value as precious] your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise- 3. "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

4. Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment]; instead, rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.

-We are God's image bearers.  We are to be the "image of God" to our children.  They're watching!  Be an example!  God has challenged us to be the light to the world - start with your children!

2. To be the DOORKEEPER of the home.

Gen. 1:27-28

27. So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.  28. And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves upon the earth.

-We are God's guardians.  When God created Adam and Eve, he gave them dominion over every living thing.  They were the doorkeepers to the Garden of Eden.  They allowed satan in and we are feeling the affects of that 6,000 years later.  YOU are the doorkeepers of your home.  You are in control of what and who comes in your house.  GUARD IT!  Don't worry about being politically correct with your children!  Forget about this "they need privacy" crap.  Of course, you respect them.  However, it is important you teach them, SHOW them, that the best life lived is a life of transparency!  Teach them how important it is to live in the LIGHT.  YOU decide who their friends are.  If there are people in their lives that threaten their relationship with the Lord, or taking them down the wrong track... do something about it.  Do you have family members that aren't good for your children to be around?  Be careful what influence you allow them to have in your children's lives!  (This one hit home for me.)  If you are making decisions as a parent based on what you think is politically correct, then you are missing the WHY of parenting!  It's more important to me that they have the right influences in their lives than it is to be "polite" to a friend or family member that are a bad influence on them.

3. To LEAD the way.

Prov. 22:6

6. Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.

-We are God's trailblazers.  If we are to train up a child in the way that he should go, then we have to know what the way is, right?!  As parents, we have to lead by example.  "Lecture isn't the way to teach them, example is how to show them." - This is so true.  I can't count how many times I have told the boys to do something until I am blue in the face and they still don't do it.  I just tell tell tell tell.  This doesn't work with kids.  Yes, we need to give them instruction.  However, with that instruction needs to be living example.  Eph. 6:4 from above says that we should take our children by the hand and guide them, not provoke them.  This really convicted me because I know very well that my biggest flaw as a parent is how much I yell at my kids.  I get so frustrated that they aren't doing as I want or ask, that instead of taking them by the hand and explaining and disciplining in love, I hand down consequences out of anger.  It is so important that we discipline in love, not anger.  If you spank your children out of anger, then they only learn "don't piss off mom and dad".  They aren't connecting the consequence with their actions.  If you calm down and come back to the situation and spank them out of love and directed to the action, they connect the two together.

The way they should go is the way God intended them to go, not the way you want them to go so you can live vicariously through them.  Don't try to form them into a round peg and force them into a square hole.  God has made us all unique.  Allow them to be the individual God created them to be.  Foster their creativity and individuality.  Speak to their potential!

4. To PREPARE them for the future.

-God allows us to fail in life and we learn from it!!  Don't put your children in a bubble from the real world.  You are doing them a dis-service and in no way preparing them for the future.  Kids need to know consequences!  Don't walk around protecting your children from the necessary consequences of their actions. And don't feel like you have to discipline your kids a certain way just to "look good" in front of others.  God was/is the PERFECT parent and his kids still rebelled :)
-Teach them how to respect authority.  A quote comes to mind; "You treat him like a gentlemen.  Not because he is, but because you are!" -Ed Sabol
Just because there are imperfections in authority, doesn't mean you get to forget that God said, "Honor Authority"!!!!!  You should never allow your kids to bad-mouth their teachers.  If there is something that needs to be addressed with the teacher, do so, but make sure your kids know they are NOT allowed to bad mouth or disrespect their teacher/authority figure.
-We are God's Partner.  God is our partner in this!  Phew.  Take refuge in the Lord.  You are not alone in this! Parenting is an enormous challenge.  But it comes with GREAT reward!!!!