a lesson learned

November 28, 2011


I had one of those rare moments today where you feel that maybe... just maybe your kids are getting it.  Two moments actually.  
Carson had his friend, Logan over and they were playing upstairs in the loft.  Logan is 12 years old and in all honestly, I don't love Carson playing with him.  Not because Logan isn't a good kid, he's actually a sweetheart.  I just don't like the age span.  I feel like with Carson in 2nd grade and Logan in 6th grade, it's inevitable that Logan is going to talk about things or want to do things that are too mature or inappropriate for Carson.  I don't know, maybe I am just being too protective.  I do allow him to play with Logan, I just limit it.  Anyway... back to today.  As Carson and Logan are walking down the stairs, I hear the tail end of their conversation and it's something like this;
"yeah... dude.  I just had to cancel it because of how much it cost.  I use to talk to my friends all the time on my cell phone but now it's cancelled."  Um... Carson does NOT nor has he EVER had a cell phone of his own.  We've made it quite clear that we won't even entertain the thought of him having a cell phone until Junior High and only then will we entertain the idea.  Brad and I look at each other like "did he just say what I thought he said?!" At first we just kind of laughed it off.  But then I started thinking about it and it's these exact situations that concern me with him playing with someone who is this much older.  This comment could only have come from the motive of wanting to impress Logan.  It's not too unlikely that at 12yo, Logan and or his friends may very well have cell phones.  So... I decided to address it.  I called Carson in to the other room, away from everyone.  When I asked him about his statement you could immediately see his mind going to work... what do I say?  Do I lie?  What's my excuse?  So, just as immediately, I said, "Carson... we heard what you said sweetie.  Please just tell me the truth.  Why would you tell him you had a cell phone?"  He took a big gulp and said I don't know.  I asked him if he was trying to impress him and he, with great hesitance, said yes.  Of course I went on to explain how important it is to be honest and if you have to lie to impress your friends then there is something wrong.  "If you really want to impress him, go in there and admit to Logan that you lied and apologize for it."  I thought for sure he was going to argue this (I mean really, there's not a single one of us that likes to admit when we're wrong... especially that you lied.)  To my surprise, he simply said ok... walked in there and said "Dude, I lied about the cell phone.  I never had a cell phone!"  Also to my surprise, Logan answered with "I know.  It's cool."  I was so thankful for Logan's response.  It helped drive home for Carson that in spite of how hard it is to admit to when you've done wrong, it will always be better in the long run.  I was really proud of Carson for taking that "like a man" :) and doing what was right.  


Just hours later, Carson was arguing about something (I don't even remember what started the argument.)  It escalated to the point that he was sent to his room for the night an hour before bedtime.  He was WAY out of line and yelled and argued and hit my arm.  
After much crying and what sounded like throwing things around in his room, he yelled out to me and asked that I come in his room for a second.  I was prepared for him to beg me to let him come out.  Instead, he said with true sadness on his face, "Mom, I'm really sorry.  I should never ever hit you and I acted inappropriately.  I know you are just disciplining me and you do really love me."  Um... come again!?  Who are you and what did you do with my son?  WOW.  Once again I was able to use this to drive home how when you take control over your emotions and admit when you have done wrong, it always ends up a better situation than if you continue to do wrong.  I told him how much that meant to me and how proud I was that he was willing to apologize and realize his actions were unacceptable.  


Parenting is so incredibly hard.  Sometimes... most of the time... I feel like I am talking to a brick wall.  It's moments like these that help us grow as parents so we can continue to believe in the tough love and discipline we offer our kids.