Privilege vs. Necessity

I saw this picture on facebook the other day.  There's a reason this picture has an emotional impact.  Yes, it is hard to see this starving child, facing a reality most of us go each day with out thinking twice about.  However, I think more than anything, it's impact comes from the fact that, like or not, we ALL play a role in this.

Like it or not, as Americans, we live in a society OVERWHELMED with consumerism.

I grew up in a family where if I wanted something "extra" (i.e. cool new clothes, new basketball shoes, etc) I had to work for it.  I babysat until I was able to get a "real job".  At age 14 I had my first job and have been working ever since.  Though I hated it at the time, I am very grateful for this experience as it has instilled in me a great work ethic and appreciation for a dollar earned.  It's been a very big challenge for me as a parent to create a healthy balance between wanting to provide my kids with the things I didn't have growing up and also wanting them to grow up with the same work ethic I did.  I admittedly have error-ed on the side of giving THINGS... STUFF to my kids.  They are blessed beyond measure, not just with STUFF but because they are surrounded with amazing extended family (something I didn't grow up with), from cousins to Aunts and Uncles, grandparents... all the way to the coolest great-grandparents one could wish for.  They have health, food, fun, clothes, a nice home in a great neighborhood, education, the list goes on.  But sadly I'm convinced they don't see it this way.  They have come to expect the necessities and somehow feel owed the privileges.  I'm being a bit dramatic because this is a big deal to me and unfortunately I know that it starts with Brad and I.  If we want them to have a grateful attitude and be thankful for their "necessities" and willing to work for "privileges", it's up to us to instill that in them.  First through example and then through lesson.  

This is a constant balancing act that we struggle with.  It's something always on our minds as we provide for and discipline the boys.  

Which brings me to another parenting challenge... discipline :) 

Carson has been lying so much lately that I see it becoming habit.  The thought of such scares me to no end.  He also has this dramatic, woe-is-me, expectant attitude that I have just had enough of.  Don't get me wrong, Carson is an amazing little kid.  He is a sweetheart and truly a lover at heart.  He has a bold personality and seeks approval and praise with great earnest.  Which often results in him seeking that attention in all the wrong ways.

Bringing these two things together (1. the need to define the difference between necessity and privilege and 2. figuring out effective ways to discipline Carson), has brought Brad and I to this...

I decided to ask Carson to make a list of everything he is thankful for...

Here is his list;

-My Family

-My Brother

-Halo Rach

-Xbox

-Bed

-TV

-House

-Nintendo 3DS

-rip stick

-scooter

-soccer

-baseball practice w Uncle Brad

-School

-recess

-food

-cool clothes

-friends

I then preceded to ask him which of these things he thought were necessities vs. simply privileges.  To my surprise he picked all the right things.  The ones highlighted in bold text above are what we determined as necessities.  (Notice that only "clothes" is highlighted, not "cool")  

We talked about how God has given us a resposibilty as his parents, to provide for him and we will always do so.  We will never take away food, clothes, shelter, family, etc.  As for everything else on the list however, it's fair game.  From now on, we will not simply "ground" him for a short period of time.  The lying and the attitude will result in privileges being taken completely away.  This list is what we will go off.  First on the list?  Recess.  I am going to speak with his teacher and (hopefully) get approval to take away recess privileges at school if necessary.  

I'm documenting this because I want the boys to be able to look back on these things when they are older.  I have no idea if this will work or not.  Regardless, we will continue to grow and learn as parents... hopefully doing something right along the way.  Thankfully we have God's help :)